In the Beginning there was the Billabong (Austrailian for a big puddle)and all the water loving creatures used to hangout there to chat, comment or poke (much like an early beastial version of Facebook). Among the many creatures were ducks, beavers and otters and other animals (which have no real bearing of this story so rather than engage in several hours of zoological study lets just say 'other animals').
Anyway one day Eva the Beaver was out collecting twigs for the next ambitious building project of Beaver Construction Inc . (please note this was a very long time ago when construction companies built stuff rather that suck every cent out of a country leaving it impoverished for several generations). Suddenly a shimmer of light across the surface of the water caught her attention and she gazed out over the billabong and saw a figure swimming towards her, she looked around nervously and saw noone else nearby. Rising slowly out of the water before her was the most beautiful Otter she had ever seen (now by otter standards Ollie was not very good-looking what with his bucktoothed grin, but beavers are into that sort of thing). He strutted, in a soggy otter fashion, up the bank of the billabong and said:
"Have we just had sex baby?"
"Um...no!" replied Eva.
"Well let me remedy that right now." said Ollie with a massively toothy grin.
"Oh!" exclaimed Eva, "you're so smooth" and with that she swooned into his arms.
[insert graphic beaver/otter sex scene here]
When they were finished Eva asked "Do you love me?"
"Oh..of course!" said Ollie, " I... um...just need to go over there for a minute, then...ah...we'll be together forever...yeah, I'll be right back."
With that Ollie dove into the billabong and was never seen again. Naturally Eva didn't know this and so she lay on the bank exausted from her inter-species love-making and dozed of in the warm sun and a dream came to her as she slept...
Eva lay on the banks of a pool of water in the warm afternoon sun (who knew beavers have no imagination) when a vast pair of wings eclipsed the warmth of the sun and a mighty snow-white duck swooped down out of the sky and loanded before her and told her the fate of the entire world depended on them having sex right now. Never one to risk the entire world Eva spread her legs and lets just say she was royally duck'd.
Afterwards the duck said "His name will be Jeff!"
Eva asked, "Do you love me?"
"Yea, sure, whatever, just remember Jeff, ok?" and with that he flew away and was never seen again.
Well Eva woke up a short while later and there was no sign of the otter and there was no sign of the duck and there was no sign of the blue monkey (what blue monkey you ask? go read some Old Irish Lit. and you'll understand), so she went home and an hour later she went into labour and out popped an egg-shaped, egg-coloured, egg-like...well egg frankly! All the other beavers gathered around to see the mysterious sight, they looked at the egg and the looked at Eva and they looked at the egg and they looked at each other and they looked at the egg and the minutes ticked by and they all knew someone had to say something but what could you say? Bob was the most tactful of all the beavers and he stepped forward now and with all the delicacy and consideration he could muster said, "What the fuck is that?"
"That's Jeff!!!"
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